The Problem with Hair

Hair.
What the fuck.
What the actual fuck.
Why...
I can't even....
..... the fuck?
I don't mean to insult you
Or make you feel belittled
But HAIR?!?
Be it long and supple
Short like stubble
Coming out the top of your head
Or peeking out your underwear
Who gives a flying fuck
about such useless stuff as hair?

I could have a grizzly beard
Does that make me weird?
I could cut it from here to there
It's only my goddamn hair!
Tell me if you're a republican or democrat
I don't give a shit if your hair is coloured this or that.
Do you believe in life beyond the grave
Or do you worry about when you have to shave?
I mean, jesus christ, what the hell is wrong
With not getting a wax when you decide to wear a thong?
Hasn't this civilization grown up enough
That we can stop caring about such trivial stuff?

I'll eat my hat
Ever single one I own
If you can give me an answer to that